An excerpt from The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho.
The newly weds cut into a huge wedding cake. People cheered.
“They must really love each other,” I said.
“Of course they do,” said a dark-suited man sitting with us. “Have you ever heard of anyone marrying for any other reason?”
I kept my answer to myself, remembering what Petrus headset about the popcorn vendor. But my guide didn’t let it pass.
“Which kind of love are you talking about: Eros, philos or agape?”
The man looked at him blankly. Petrus got up, filled his cup and asked me to walk with him.
“There are three Greek words that mean love,” he began. “Today, you are seeing a manifestation of eros, the feeling of love that exists between two people.”
The bride and groom were smiling for the photographers and accepting congratulations.
“It appears that these two really do love each other,” he said, looking at the couple. “And they believe that their love will grow. But shortly, they will be alone with each other, struggling to earn a living, build a house and share their adventure. This is what ennobles love and dignifies it. He will do his time in the army. She is probably a good cook and will be an excellent housewife, because she has been trained since she was a child for that role. She will be good company for him, they will have children, and they will feel that they are building something together. They will be fighting the good fight. Even if they have problems, they will never be really unhappy.
“However, this story that I am telling you could go a very different way. He might begin to feel that he is not free enough to express all of the Eros, all of the love that he has for other women. She might begin to feel that she gave up a brilliant career in order to be with her husband. Instead of creating something together, each could begin to feel robbed of a means of expressing love. Eros, the spirit that unites them, would begin to reveal only its negative side. And what God had provided to humans as their noblest sentiment would become a source of hatred and destructiveness”.
“What is philos?”
“Philos is love in the form of friendship. It’s what I feel toward you and others. When the flame of Eros stops burning, it is philos that keeps a couple together”.
“And agape?”
“Today is not the day to talk about agape. Agape is in both Eros and philos. But that’s just a phrase.
“Agape is the love that consumes,” repeated, as if that were the phrase that best defined this strange kind of love.
“Martin Luther King one said that when Christ spoke of loving one’s enemies, he was referring to agape. Because according to him, it was impossible to like our enemies, those who were cruel to us, those who tried to make ourour to day suffering even worse. But agape is much more than liking. It is a feeling that suffuses, that fills every space in us, and turns our aggression to dust.
